Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
