I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
