the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
