Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
