do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I just found puke in my bra..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
