She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
