fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
