Dual....:-)
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
