Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
