Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
