my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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