you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
