I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
