The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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