Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
