True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
