haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
