Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
