Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
pray to the hookup gods
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
