naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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