We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
