why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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