I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
