false alarm. still invincible.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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