I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
