How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
