I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
