I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
