I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
