I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
