p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
