for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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