I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Bang-toberfest begins!!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
