Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
