What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
