omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
