Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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