Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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