She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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