38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
