i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
