my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
