I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
