is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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