The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
