I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
