Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
