So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
