I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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