Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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