Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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