Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
