I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
