Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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