Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
